Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Randomize
