ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
