Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
