meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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