Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
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