Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
