i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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