you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
