so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
