I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
