someone threw a dead crab at me
My cat gives me a boner
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Randomize
