you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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