can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
