We're facebook friends in real life
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
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