when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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