i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Do vagina's smell?
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
