i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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