Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize