Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
