yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
