im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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