I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
