That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
