I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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