: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
