my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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