Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
