Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
