you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
