Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
