end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Only a mothe r could love this liver
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
