i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
