the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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