: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
