do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Randomize
