could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
