Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
we should paint friendship bongs
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
