talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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