??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
