When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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