god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
