Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
