sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
