sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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