So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
