wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
