He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
