I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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