you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
