was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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