i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
