Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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