The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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